Though I'm not worthy

I can’t breathe. I want to but no air comes out.I want to speak but no words come out. Why do I feel... hurt?

I feel betrayed. I feel like love had forgotten me. My heart hurts. My heart feels like a thousand needles went through my chest and now it’s bleeding slowly for me to die.

Why? Why when I try to move my hands to touch the ground I can't?
I don’t know why I’m saying these but I just feel like its theonly way I can take these bitterness out of my being. For once, I’m gonna be me . And for once, I wanna confess.

Everything I post is only the 1st percent of my life. 99% are not seen here – the lonely times, the hard times, the shameful times, the sad parts – The truth.

I am not perfect. Far to be perfect. Matter of fact, I am person with full of flaws. I don’t know why I’m saying these. But, I just feel so pathetic about myself.

Poor me, Nobody knows me. Nobody knows the real me. Most of the time I am just pretending, Trying to be like somebody else, Trying to fit in. This is me. This is the real me.

I have a hardened heart. Hardened by time, hatred, disappointments.

I blame others for my mistake. Now I’m tired of pointing fingers the blame is on me.

I’m bad. I do bad things and really bad.

I’m proud. Proud about the things I know I shouldn’t be. Because everything I have, everything I am, I awe it all to God. Now, I’m left with nothing to boast.

I am Broken. I feel like I’m a broken doll shatter into pieces. My pieces all over the floor. I need you God. To mend this broken pieces of my soul.

Dearest God,

I am so sorry for being such a fool. Every bad thing I am into is nobody’s fault but mine alone. I now realize that nobody can hurt me if I don’t allow them to. I just want this bitterness off my chest. I don’t know where to start. I’m a shipwrecked single-mom with nothing to boast. I am nothing.

Heal me, Wash me in your Mercies. Mend these broken pieces of my heart. Cleanse my sould and make me whole again.

Love me, Though I'm not worthy.

HANA